3 Ways to Find Time for Yourself

When I first started my journey of trying to find how to fit all this new stuff into my life, I was looking for any time that let me be me again. I desperately wanted to be able to find some time – anytime – that allowed me to do and enjoy the things that I used to do and enjoy.

I found it. It varies from week to week just how much time I get to spend time on me, but with a little imagination and planning, I have found time for myself every day, week after week.

Say No.

Sometimes having time for yourself means you have to say no. No to the salesperson at your door; no to the phone call coming in just as you sit down; no to your child who promised they would be okay after just 7 more readings of the same book and it now insisting you read it “just one more time”; no to your spouse who calls you in a panic about needing you to do something right then because they “thought you would be home” (FYI: being home=eating bonbons); no to your friends who demand your time or child care help when it’s not going to work out for you; no to the PTA; no to the pull of Facebook and Pinterest if that is not where you wanted to spend your free time. You won’t always say no to these people or things, but realize that it is both okay and necessary to say no sometimes. Always saying yes is putting yourself – and as a byproduct, your family – last.

Push through.

Sometimes you have to do hard things. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. Sometimes you have to readjust and change your plan 100 times and feel as though you are treading water. Push through. Before you throw your hands in the air and say “well, just forget it then”, take a breath, get a drink, calm down and rethink the day. What happens for the rest of the week when you skip these things today? What happens to your ability to rest and relax if you don’t get to this? What happens to your view of yourself when you choose, yet again, to just ignore things? Decide what you can get away with and push through with the rest. Be in charge and push through.

Adjust expectations.

When it’s been “one of those” weeks, what are you supposed to do? Do not give up. Do not feel like you have to only do hard and boring things now as punishment. Adjust your expectations about what the week was going to look like, push through on the have-tos, and still take a moment for yourself.

Last week was extra crazy for us. I was putting together a dinner for 40 women and things and people were falling through left and right. As I changed my attitude both about the event and the amount of time I was giving to it, I was able to effectively communicate my needs and expectations to my children, apologize for the craziness this was creating in our home and then ask for their understanding and help. It worked. I felt supported, they pitched in more cheerfully, and I was able to ask some adults I normally would not have, for help. People pulled through and it was wonderful and a great evening.

And then the aftermath. For the next 2 days I let my guilt from relying on my family persuade me to let them have an excess of friends and let them pull me out of my moment of calm over and over and over. After taking a deep breath and calmly informing them they may or may not have friends or fun the next day, we talked out some problems and I was able to regain my focus on what was truly important. Instead of feeling guilty, I embraced Friday with excitement and did my normal Friday stuff of taking it easy, knowing that I would have to play catch up on Saturday morning before everyone woke up. Totally worth it as I felt rejuvenated and relaxed after my Friday free day.

If adjusting your expectations will not change things, adjust the expectations of others with honest communication. See what happens. All my best friends guard MY Friday with vigor.

As you too are searching for the feeling of having attended to everyone else and still getting some time for yourself, do not give up. Continue to search. If you gave one idea a try once, but it failed, now, perhaps, it's been a few years and you can revisit that option again. 

Having time to grow and rejuvenate as a person is vital to your mental and physical health. You can do it!

Say no. Push through the hard stuff. Adjust expectations of yourself and others.