Some Things Take Practice

A story my mom has shared with me a few times over the years goes something like this: 
My Mom really needed some help with a large project at our church that she was in charge of. She asked several people and many agreed, but one lady, when asked, told my Mom that she could not help out because the day and time my Mom was asking for help on were the same day and time that this lady always washed and vacuumed her car. My Mom was floored! At first, she really was taken back and a little put off that this lady wouldn't help her and just change her car detailing day to another time. But later, as we talked through the years and she thought about that conversation several times, she realized that this woman was actually just doing what was best for her. And good for her! 

Sometimes we need to change our schedules and sometimes we need to hold so fast to the plan and focus on what we need to deal with without offering any extra help when it comes knocking. Because it will. You will always, always be asked to do more. It may be the perfect time to say yes or you may need to hold a day and time sacred, even if it is "just for washing the car". 

When I first practiced saying "no" I had to not share, even the least bit, why I was turning someone down. Because sometimes it was just everything I had in me to get up and focus on my little ones, but saying no in the midst of what feels like "nothing" is hard. And so is saying no in the middle of an extremely busy and crazy time in our lives. Most of the time, we would rather say yes. 

There is always an exception to rules. To find when you need to say no and when you need to say yes, think about these three rules I use to guide me: 
1) Take time to think about it. It is perfectly okay to tell someone you need to think about committing. 
2) When it is service you are being asked to give, try and make room. Service is not slaving away when someone dumps their problems on you. If you are unsure what is service and what is enabling others, study a little bit about some of the most famous people who gave their lives in service. 
3) When you need to say no, do not beat yourself up. You cannot, and should not, be all things to all people all the time. And if you try, you may need to look at your reasons and intentions for doing so. 

If you are feeling out of control, take some time and commitment to stick to the plan you made to help you mentally and physically. Even if it is "just" for washing your car, doing things that matter to you is honoring and respecting yourself. And that is an important relationship to build.