When you are setting up your task list and figuring out what works for you, remember this most important thing:
EVERYTHING ON YOUR TO-DO LIST WAS SANCTIONED BY YOU.
Every bit of me always wants to fight this with “Well, I SHOULD be doing that or I HAVE to do this”, but it's not true. You have allowed each of those things on your list to become a priority. Whether you're giving into social pressures or agreeing to help your spouse or children with a project, signing up on that list to take a meal to a neighbor or volunteering your time for the PTA, everything was sanctioned by you. You CAN say no. Maybe that’s really hard and you have nearly forgotten how, but I can promise you something: the world will not stop spinning if you do say no, and that’s how I know you sanctioned it.
Then, if you allowed those tasks on your list in the first place, they don't control you - YOU choose what goes on that list. Come to terms with this one point and I promise you will be able to either dump things back on other people (where they probably should’ve been all along – kid’s science project, for example), mentally let them go off your list, and decide what is truly important to you and where you want to spend your time and energy.
Your task list is not supposed to scare you. It's supposed to organize and remind you of the most important things in your life. It's supposed to remind you of the next step, and let you sleep peacefully at night, knowing everything is written down and ready for you the next morning. It doesn't control you. It's your brain, friend and the companion to achieving all you want to with your life. Don't run away if you see a high total count for the day. Change that count or remember YOU put those on there.
Helping people is good. I believe we were put on this planet to do so. Service is a gift to others, but mostly to ourselves. However, we cannot give more than we have to give. So, if you have nothing on your list about self-care, yet it’s flooded with tasks for others, know that there will come a time when the resentment will rise, or you will just stop doing anything that brings you joy because you’re barely holding on as it is. In either of these situations, be prepared for your version of a meltdown/explosion/depression/anxiety attack to commence.
Instead, take a look at your list of expectations of yourself. We all have them. It’s a good thing. We’d never reach our goals without those expectations. Remember that you choose to say yes and you can choose to say no. As you begin to build your task list and calendar, you will know just how much you have already committed to, and if there is any room for any more while still retaining your sanity and peace of mind. There’s only one of you. Be kind to yourself.
This is great, Amber. My mother in law told me that many years ago when I was a VERY stressed out mother with 7 kids at home. She made me realize that I had choices! It was a real revelation to me. I was too busy to take the time to figure it out..I just knew I was suffering. In reality, I was bringing upon myself my own suffering.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joan! It's hard to look at the big picture when we're in the thick of things. Choices!
Delete