5 Steps to Handling Things After a Disaster

My mom interviewed me at the beginning of the year. She was just asking random questions about things I do for everyday life situations and how I handle them and she wrote my answers down. 
One of the questions she asked was: "What do you do when all heck breaks loose and you can't get to anything on your list for 3 days?"

Let me clear: This is worse than some plans changing and requiring that all your attention is pulled away from normal, everyday things. If being on top of things would have prevented the pickle you are in now (meaning that you procrastinating brought on the stress and anxiety that you are now going through), this is not a case of all heck breaking loose. This is a case in which you need to sit down, decide you are done living like this and come up with the plan that has your lifestyle and needs in mind and one that gives you flexibility, but holds you accountable. You have to decide you do not like the situations that continually arise and feed the anxiety or stress you have each time something slips through the cracks. 

Back to things truly falling out of your control. I have been there. It happens. Sometimes it feels as though we may never have a "normal" day or week again.

First, get through the situation. If that means you need to shut down emotions and push through on auto pilot, do it. If you need to give into the emotions and have a good cry about things, do it. If you just need some moments alone, figure out a way to lock the bathroom door, turn on some music or actually and truly leave. Even 5 minutes of refocusing your thoughts can lead to a much clearer thought process about what to do next. Getting through the situation may take a day, a week or even longer. You may need to do a combination of things to get through. If it is a long term situation, you may need to find someone to talk to that has no emotional stake in the situation. Hang in there. 

Second, once things are settled down - or are as settled as they will be for the foreseeable future, you can take the next step. If it was minor hiccup, take a deep breath and look at your task list. Go through and delete anything that is a reoccurring task. If you are 3 days into "clean kitchen", you only need one reminder (or none, depending on the state of things!). Do not stress about things you did not get to while dealing with more important things. It is time to move forward. 

Third, take a look at what is left and what needs your immediate attention. One-time things that you wanted to do can be reassigned into a new month or deleted altogether. Time sensitive tasks either need to be given back to the person who gave it to you (sometimes we have to drop our pride and ask for help) or worked on immediately.
Because going through a "big" list can seem so overwhelming, I like to reevaluate at night for the next day. Looking at things without interruption and deciding how much energy I have when I am tired is a good way for me to filter out a lot of tasks. If I go to sleep and get plenty of rest, I am usually way more on top of things and ready to hit the ground running if I know exactly where to start the night before. 

Fourth, be kind. Be kind to yourself, to your husband, to your children and to those you come in contact with. Things were tense and stressful, but you get to choose to let those feelings and frustrations go. Do not feel like you must jump back into normal life at the expense of being kind and patient with those who need you. And if you have kids, know that you may be talking about their thoughts and feelings that are still forming for a while. And that is a good thing to take a step back for. 

Fifth, once things have calmed down, take a look back and evaluate things. How did you feel? How did you act? How did you handle things? What would have helped you feel comforted and how would you have gotten that? This is not about beating yourself up - do not go there - but look at what would have helped you in that situation and consider trying to find that particular comfort next time. It does not have to be big, but sometimes we just cannot think straight in times of crisis and knowing that we should call a friend to bring us chocolate or talk or go by ourselves for a run is helpful for the next time. 

Sometimes, things just happen. It is all part of the journey. We may not be able to control things, but we can control how we react during and after these situations. It is okay to not deal with each step perfectly. 
Just brush yourself off and try again. You are worth trying again for.